The Magic Touch

Several journalists who should have known better are hoping you won’t remember all that stuff they wrote about the formidable strength of the Chelsea squad, in comparison to which the playing staff at such clubs as Manchester United, Liverpool and Arsenal paled into insignificance. Unfortunately for them, the fans of those clubs do remember – and so do the managers, and right now they’re having a ball.

How soon things change. All it takes, apparently, are a few injuries and the odd suspension and in no time at all the Special One is announcing to the football world that even Newcastle United currently have a stronger squad than Chelsea – a revelation which no doubt surprised Glenn Roeder.

Against Liverpool, the good news was the return from serious injury of Petr Cech, resplendent in a natty piece of antipodean rugby style headgear. In the absence of John Terry (still injured) and Ricardo Carvalho (high temperature), he was obliged to field a right back (Ferreira) and a midfield player (Essien) as makeshift centre backs, thereby indicating that in that department at least, he really is as badly off as the Newcastle boss. Deprived of the services of Makelele, he selected young Mikel, who looks like his hair has been plugged into the National Grid, and in front of him Ballack, the strolling player with especially active elbows, Lumpy Lampard, largely anonymous in slow motion, and Arjen Robben, a twinkling wide boy with a penchant for amateur dramatics. Up front it was the ever hopeful Kalou and the mighty Drogba, whose elbows work almost as hard as Ballack’s.

The interesting thing is that there are probably several Premiership managers who would almost kill for a team like that, but Mourinho, interviewed before the game, seemed almost resigned to the prospect of defeat. Somehow, the supreme confidence, the arrogance and the defiance had drained out of him and he seemed deflated and dispirited.

So in spite of all the money, the self-styled Special One is obliged now to insist “I am not a magician.” Too right. There are good judges who have been saying as much for some time, but they were in the minority – drowned out by the Fresh Air brigade.

But all may not be lost. If the man who is definitely not a magician really wants to better himself, he should summon up the humility to consult a man who is. The man whose team have kept Chelsea in the hunt for the Premiership. A real miracle worker. He should call the Wizard of Arsenal, the man he called a ‘voyeur’ and hope that he is in a forgiving mood.