The Curse of Mr Bean

It goes without saying that every club’s nightmare is to have Uriah Rennie assigned to them, but for Arsenal the next worst thing is undoubtedly the presence of Mike Riley, refereeing’s answer to Mr Bean. If Riley had a specialist subject, it wouldn’t be officiating – he’d opt for the award of dodgy penalties against the Gunners, with a side serving of indecent haste.

Every Arsenal fan remembers Old Trafford and the way he conjured up a convenient spot kick for a contact which, as the cameras proved conclusively, Sol Campbell never made on Wayne Rooney. And at the Riverside Stadium he was at it again. This time Philippe Senderos was the victim. His contact with Yakubu was minimal and clearly took place outside the box – though the massive striker was careful to fall inside and give the impression he had been pole-axed. Significantly, the cameras revealed that at that moment Bean (sorry, Riley) was some way away (though he certainly shouldn’t have been) but in no time at all he came bounding up in that strange scoutmasterly way of his, tugging feverishly at his pocket in his enthusiasm to brandish the red card he had already decided upon from a distance.

It was injustice by remote control and it obliged Arsenal to concede a penalty which was not a penalty and subsequently to play with ten men for about 30 minutes. Fortunately, Arsenal have become accustomed to circumstances of this kind and a moment of genius from Thierry Henry brought them a 76th minute equaliser – but in the end the incompetence of Riley condemned them to drawing a game they should have won.

Regrettably, there was more. Riley was closer when Viduka elbowed Kolo Toure and he was closer when Arca’s challenge from behind took out Fabregas. Yet in both cases Arsenal’s chances of seeing a red card given against a Middlesbrough player weren’t worth a bean.

In a reasonable world, much less an ideal one, Arsenal’s chances of winning the Premiership would be determined by the quality of their preparation and performance, and the extent to which other teams are capable of affecting their challenge – rather than the prevailing incompetence of a team of officials which, with one or two notable exceptions, leaves practically everything to be desired.