Dire Another Day

Is anyone really surprised that McClaren’s England couldn’t beat Israel, a side that would do well to survive in the Championship, in a game which captain John Terry had described as ‘must win’ and his manager, brimming with pre-match confidence, had classed ‘must not lose’?

In the build up, McClaren’s ‘big idea’ was to get the players to play the way they did for their clubs, so with that in mind he picked Phil Neville at right back (on the assumption, no doubt, that he would think he was his brother), centre back Jamie Carragher at left back, Stevie Gerrard (England’s best central midfielder by a country mile) on the right flank and young Aaron Lennon (who is right footed) on the left. He may well argue that both Gerrard and Lennon have filled these slots at club level, but we all know where their best positions are.

So, we had two full backs with excellent defensive credentials but little to contribute in attack, despite the availability of Micah Richards and Gareth Barry (both of whom are effective going forward) and a left flank without a naturally left footed player, despite the presence of Gareth Barry and Stewart Downing on the bench. On top of that, England’s outstanding midfielder was shunted out wide on the right to accommodate Frank ‘Lumpy’ Lampard, who in defiance of a series of abysmal performances seems to have acquired the same kind of protected status as the cow in India.

We can only speculate as to whether this inept team selection was motivated by cowardice or incompetence, but it laid the foundation for a performance in which England managed to make an industrious but limited Israel team look better than they are, while at the same time providing overwhelming evidence that they themselves are a great deal worse than they should be.

Somehow it was all summed up perfectly when the camera picked out England and Arsenal physiotherapist Gary Lewin. He looked bored to the point of desperation and it was easy to imagine him thinking ‘Thank God I don’t have to put up with this dross every week.’

As for Steve McClaren, who left the pitch with the fans’ chants of “You don’t know what you’re doing” ringing in his ears, it was clear from the post-match interviews that he already had the answer. With his customary genius for original thought he announced gravely that England were going to ‘re-group’. A strategy that leaves both him and the rest of us with one major problem. How on earth can they ‘re-group’ – when they haven’t even ‘grouped’ yet?