Footballspeak

The world of professional football has seldom been distinguished by quality communication, but lately the game that traditionally seems to have been held together by a string of tired clichés has deteriorated, even by its own dismal standards.

Take Anton Ferdinand for instance, once regarded as one of the most sought after centre backs in the country and now nearing the end of a season which apart from being a personal disaster has seen West Ham United plummet from Premiership security and impressive F.A. Cup finalists to the very brink of relegation. And all Anton can offer by way of explanation is “That’s football.” No understanding. No fighting spirit. Not a hint of defiance. Merely passive acceptance. C’est la vie. Che sera sera. Or to put it more bluntly, cop out.

He isn’t alone. Sam Allardyce, Bolton Wanderers boss and self-styled ‘pound for pound’ best manager in the Premiership, came out with this succinct little gem to explain Steve McClaren’s predicament (no doubt with due deference to Esther Rantzen) – “That’s life.”

Now you know why he’s paid so well. You wouldn’t get that sort of insight from the giants of Greek philosophy. But for real profundity you have to go right to the very top.

At club level that (according to him) means Jose Mourinho, the Special One, who in recent weeks has come up with a couple of observations that eclipse even his own previous utterances. Brace yourselves because most of us don’t encounter intelligence on this scale very often. “A win is a win.” “A trophy is a trophy.” Utterly shattering, isn’t it? Two moments of devastating revelation from a man of genius, leaving us with a new level of understanding and, understandably, a sense of envy for a mind as remarkable as his.

And finally, there is the England manager, who even in times of adversity has given us all a glimpse into the very depths of his thinking, and the reasons for his appointment to what is, arguably, the biggest job in world football. Let the words speak for themselves. “We have to believe in ourselves.” “We need to re-group.” “People must produce.” “There’s still a long way to go.” “It was never going to be easy.”

Truly astonishing. Breathtaking. Bet you can’t wait for the next interview. If there is one.