Tour de Farce

Fulham v Chelsea – what a masterclass it was from Mourinho, the self-appointed Special One.

After Fulham had had the audacity to grab a 16th minute lead through Luis Boa Morte, the Chelsea manager allowed himself just 9 minutes before showing how powerful and important he is. In an ostentatious double substitution he pulled off Joe Cole and Shaun Wright-Phillips and threw on Drogba and Duff. Judging from their expressions, it must have done wonders for the confidence of the two boys he took off. Joe Cole’s life under Mourinho has been a rollercoaster emotionally – hero one minute, villain the next – and as for Shaun, he hasn’t spent enough time on the pitch to aspire even to the role of temporary hero yet.

Did it work? The Special One says it did, so it must have – but if that’s the case, lesser mortals are still wondering why Chelsea had to resort so much to the aerial bombardment and why they didn’t win.

Well, apparently, they should have won (He says) and (surprise, surprise) it wasn’t their fault that they didn’t. He is incensed that Fulham put pressure on the officials (something Chelsea would never contemplate of course) and appalled that the referee, after consulting his linesman, disallowed a ‘goal’ because Didier Drogba (who is as pure as the driven snow) deliberately handled the ball (which some people call cheating).

Of course, the final straw was when referee Mike Dean had the temerity to send Gallas off and book Makelele in stoppage time – events which caused team mates, uncharacteristically of course, to cluster round in protest.

And that was virtually the end of it, save for the far from friendly gestures William Gallas offered to the Fulham supporters as he left the field – gestures which implied that the home side would be relegated and thereby perhaps played some part in provoking the pitch invasion which followed the final whistle.