Snack Attack

West Ham’s Argentinian midfielder Javier Mascherano described it as “incredible” and confirmed “I have a mark on my arm”. Spurs boss Martin Jol, ever the diplomat, called it a “comical nibble”. Jermain Defoe, the perpetrator, remarked “I reacted in a bit of a mischievous way”, then subsequently ensured that his agent claimed he hadn’t bitten his opponent at all. Referee Steve Bennett, who was very close to the incident, bravely awarded Defoe a yellow card (presumably neither for technical merit nor artistic impression). And the F.A.? Few will be surprised to learn that they came up yellow too.

You couldn’t make it up.