'I Sink' says Mourinho

The home team are the reigning champions of the English Premier League, which they have won for the last two seasons, thanks largely to the beneficent intervention of a Russian billionaire. They are at full strength, apart from the long term absence through injury of their first choice goalkeeper. Their manager, who is the very antithesis of a shrinking violet, is a former interpreter who considers himself to be the best in the business. Except that he isn’t.

Their opponents are widely regarded as the most attractive team in the country, though on this occasion they are handicapped by the absence of four key players – their captain, Thierry Henry, the world class centre back pairing of Kolo Toure and William Gallas and the sparkling talent of Tomas Rosicky. They approach this crucial game with an under 21 back four who have never played together before, but they have a manager who does not tout himself as the best in the business. Even though he is.

Despite their inexperience the away side controls the first half and after the interval they take the lead, threatening one of the longest unbeaten home records in the Premiership, especially as there are only 22 minutes of normal time remaining. Some four minutes later, the left back who used to play for the away team commits a foul, but it is not penalised and play is allowed to continue. The home team’s most ponderous midfield player squares it and from 30 yards Michael Essien hits a screamer to save their blushes.

Two minutes later, the visitors have a chance to go ahead again, but the ball is blazed over from a good position. It is the signal for a frantic period of home pressure, but all to no avail and the game ends in a 1-1 draw.

After the game, the self-styled ‘special’ manager of the home team declares arrogantly “I accept a draw” – which is extremely magnanimous of him, given the score. His attempts to disguise his disappointment are entirely unsuccessful, but his graceless demeanour speaks volumes.

How can all this be? How can the mighty, rouble-rich, ‘untouchable’ Chelsea be demeaned by an Arsenal side lacking so many first choice players? How can 90+ minutes of ducking, diving, power play and solicitous attention to every refereeing decision produce nothing but a shameful draw and a battery of excuses?

It’s that ‘sinking’ feeling.