A Class Apart

Further education is flourishing at Chelsea, with two new recruits to the ever popular, and very special, Jose Mourinho course - Mind Games for Absolute Beginners.

Step forward, Mind Games Apprentice Mark 3 – Didier (Don’t Call Me Diver) Drogba, a very promising student. Here are two examples of his early work. First, on the subject of discrediting the opposition: “United manager Alex Ferguson has all the experience. But for me there is no doubt Mourinho is better.” Note the clever way he praises the opposition manager, then trumps him, and also the deliberate omission of ‘Sir’ in his reference to the United boss. Then there is the discrediting through a show of power technique, beautifully exemplified in: “We have the most capacity of any team to pressure them and I warn United: Chelsea are coming.” Very scary.

Unfortunately, Mind Games Apprentice Mark 4 – Arjen (If You Call Me A Diver I’ll send for My Friend Didier) Robben, lacks confidence at this early stage in the course, but nevertheless he has shown himself to be capable of broadcasting the party message: “It’s only 5 points. We’re still quite confident we can win the title.”