Double, double, toil and rouble

What can you buy for around £620 million these days? A famous football club, and the opportunity to pay off all its debts. Two Premiership titles and a minor cup or two. The most arrogant manager in the entire history of the game. A squad costing around £477 million – many of whom require wages well over £100,000 a week to make ends meet. A widely distributed talent for diving, simulating injury and unseemly haranguing of referees. And some of the most boring, mechanical, relentless football you can find anywhere in the top league.

Strange, isn’t it? For all that money, you’d think that stylish, imaginative, inventive football, silky, seductive football full of flair and panache, wasn’t too much to ask.

But apparently, Arsenal and Manchester United have cornered the market.