Jose and the Beanstalk

It may be the panto season but Chelsea are finding it difficult to enter into the spirit of things. Lumpy is grumpy and Terry’s all old. And while Abgord (which is Drogba) is knocking them in, the man they call Shevvy’s still out in the cold. Shaun Wright-Phillips is feeling increasingly small, after a bit of a Ballacking from Mourinho and all. Meanwhile Cashley is panicking and Essien’s irate, with an own goal that’s left Ukelele in a state. When things get to this point, Robben’s apt to start diving; and as for Hilario – well, he’s just a bit of a joke really.